Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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