i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
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Do I have a choice?
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize