I faked an abortion last night.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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