when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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