he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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