I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
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Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
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You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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