Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize