It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize