if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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