I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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