hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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