Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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