I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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