Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
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You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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