We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
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I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
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Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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