So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
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Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
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After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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