One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize