Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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