her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
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Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize