We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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