Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
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If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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