It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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