Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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