Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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