I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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