Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize