I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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