I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
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Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
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Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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