So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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