Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize