Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize