i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
my nose is crying tears of wow.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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