I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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