I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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