i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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