i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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