"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
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you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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