Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
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Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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