Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize