I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize