he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
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The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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