This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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