The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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