The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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