i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize