you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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