I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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