Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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