theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize