i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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